The winter storm
by Daria Halprin
The rain pours down in buckets
Swells of ocean crash against the cliffs
And I stand, bearing witness, as the wild wind opens it all up and rips everything off.
An old trunk that used to hold the precious dowry, grown over, almost hidden in the corner of the property, its lid rusted half shut – the storm rips that off too –
All the wet and moldy crumbs hiding in the crevices of things are suddenly let loose Swirling wild things, achy joints, sagging parts, stopped up rages and disappointments -
Yep, the storm takes over and opens it all up, pries the lid off everything!
buttons on rain slickers
plastic deck chairs
Till the fear spills over and flows through the streets, muddy tracks slide down the cheekbones, parched skin and the deep barren gullies in the desert of the soul suddenly moistened by these torrents of water, while the surf keeps on crashing on far off high coastal cliffs causing rockslides – a whole state under siege
gotta just let it slide
gotta just let go and let it all slide down and out
taking used appliances and furniture with it
what you thought your life would be like
Who would have known that fear could disguise itself so well
Hanging onto the corners of things
With its nails so well manicured
Rusting up the ventricles almost beyond repair – threatening drought –
Yeah we think we know and are prepared for it
We think we know all about holding on and letting go and what fear can do when we follow it like hungry dogs after a bone.
There are such good quotes and platitudes written about it
Meditations to be performed
Prayers to be sung
But to know it drenched in the stormy tears and the utter chaos of this wild storm
That’s something else – an unhinging where things fly off and crash against -
Making for an unexpected downpour of such force that the floodgates open up of their own volition, not to be talked out of it or soothed –
And a song bursts through like thunder
It’s titled “no drought after all …”
It sounds the notes of tearful gratitude in the midst of all that is.
thanks for those loved
thanks for the dark ones and the hard times
for the wounds and the wounders
thanks for this land and sea and air and shelter
for the hawk and vulture, for the winged and legged, the crawlers and swimmers
for the rooted and rooting and composting of things
thanks for Love itself
and scared hearts, scarred hearts, all the sacred hearts that keep on beating
anyway – any way they can
Like drums beating under this chant – wail – song
Like whirling dervishes, dance to it!
Oh that rusting old fear, best not to keep it in
Rather let it loose like a wild chaotic branch bending
Street flooding power blown out
Foot stomping storm.
Let it wash itself away and leave in its muddy wake
A clean pink delicate beating
Like a newborn, be he, be she
Spreading its arms and opening its clenched fists
I Love You and I am Loved!
Trusting this chaotic stormy world
Swaddled in the divine, cradled in the light
Empty and without thought of past or future losses
Feeling that place where we aren’t afraid to be born, or to die, again.